we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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