if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
