there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
