how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
