He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
