Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
