Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
