just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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