Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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