you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
