pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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