I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
