a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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