Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
