you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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