Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
not ubering you a puppy
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
