I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
