I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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