My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
