the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
