what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
