is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
