We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
