I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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