Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
