He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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