proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
