you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
