Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
