I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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