See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
