this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
