Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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