How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
