Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
