Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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