I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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