Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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