piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
