dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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