so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
