Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
