I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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