There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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