I'm so fucking centered right now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
