I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
