yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
