on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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