just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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