You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
