I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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