I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
