Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
