how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
