Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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